my first attempt at writing with the possible attempt of spoken word...

If I were to tell the truth…

If I were to tell the truth
And you were to ask me how I feel?
I’d look you straight in the eye
And tell you I feel like a needle
In a very big haystack
A needle
So dull that when you prick your finger
No blood will be drawn
I’d tell you
That every passing day
A new crack rips into my heart
As I try to heal another around me
The very glue I use to seal up others
Is the exact adhesive that erodes away
At the heart I bear
I’d tell you
That I feel I can be Wonder Woman
But only I am swallowed by the lasso of truth
That sharp objects
Pierce through me
But blunt forces
Can barely move me
I’d tell you
That when I look at gorgeous women
My heart drops
Because I’ll never hold THAT outer beauty
I’ll never reach THAT extent,
Never go past my mere “pretty”
But I’ll tell ya
that THAT is all I need
Because MY heart
Holds more beauty than all those combined
Of the ones who will look at
Her
As she passes them by
If I were to be honest,
I’d say I scare myself
More than you will ever be scared
Because I don’t know
What I do and don’t believe
If you asked for the truth
I’d tell you
That this world hits hard
And knocks the wind right out of you
But the only way to truly understand
The pain and joy in this world
Is to get knocked down
And have to stand back up
I’d tell you
That sometimes I don’t know
Which way is up
And which way is down
But if you spin me around
I will always find my way
Right back to the point where I’m supposed to be
If you asked me three things that I know to be true
I’d list them right out for you
One, I’d say
Is that I care
Long and hard
And no matter how hard I appear to be
It’s just me caring that much more
I care
About you more than you will care about me
I care
To take on more than I can probably handle
I simply care
Two, I’d say
Is that I long
I long to be somebody
Like the childhood dreams
Of being a firefighter, a doctor, a professional athlete
I long to cure the world
Of their heartache and poison
I long to understand
Three, I’d say
Is that I accept
I accept the inevitable
I accept the impossible
I accept the possibilities
The good, the bad, the bare, the bulky
I accept, simple
If you asked me why I look down
I’d tell you
It’s because I’M afraid to look into YOUR eyes
Because YOU may see Me
For the small, scared child
That has scraped their knee running away
The small child inside of me
That doesn’t know if they can change the world
But that certainly wants to try anyways
If you asked me
If I would die for the life of another
I’d tell you to give me the time and the place
And I’d be there
If I was being honest
I’d tell you
I reach for the stars
Because they shine brighter than the lights here
And I want to gather them all up
So I can illuminate your life
If you asked the truth
I’d tell you
I’m a pushover
Because it’s easier to fall and stand back up
Then it is to stay standing
I’d say
I tie my heart to the string in God’s hand
But like an excited puppy
I pull my leash farther and farther away from my Owner
I fly my kite
In the wind of injustice
And fight the winds of hatred
By yanking at the string
Of passion and glory
If you were to ask me to show myself
I’d paint you a picture
So intricate that you would be lost
Even at first glance
Details so small
That even I could miss them
If I were to tell the truth
I’d tell you
That I don’t know who I am
But I’m doing my best to live in THIS life
THIS time
THIS moment
The very best way I know
By living