Ugh. I just... ok I don't even know what I'm doing here... I just know that something's bothering me and I thought that maybe this would help me figure it out somehow.
Oh god, I don't even know what to feel anymore.

Ok. Maybe I should explain myself a little here. This is really hard to talk about for me because I feel like I'm not... I don't know... I just feel like I'm not feeling the way I should be given the current situation I'm in.

So, recently, my younger sister, who is.... ummm... eight or nine, anyways, doesn't really matter. Well, we recently found out that she has some sort of anxiety. Like she gets panic attacks and things... I don't even really understand it myself, which is probably part of the problem.

Anyways, so she's been seeing a councelor for the past couple of months. She's always been kind of... what's the word... fragile. Like not really physically, AHHHH this is really hard to explain. Like verbally.... (ahhh that doesn't make sense either). Like you have to be very careful with what you say to her because she'll take you seriously and have a mental breakdown.

So, hopefully that's explained a little, though I have a feeling that I've just been spwewing my random, jumbled thoughts onto the screen.

The thing is, I DO feel really bad for her, and I want to help, but... I guess I just have this weird thing that I'm scared to get too close to someone, especially her (because she's so... weak), so I kind of make this mental wall between myself and everyone. I don't want to get hurt if someone I trust just walkes out of my life. I know I woudn't be able handle that.

God, this is taking a long time to get to the point I was trying to make. Well, it just seems like she's been getting a lot more attention than usual. Which is understandable, given her condition, I suppose. Though, I just feel like I'm getting pushed away in the process. See, I shouldn't be mad about this, because she needs the attention right now, she needs the support right now. It's just, she gets aways with so much. And she stresses my parents out. and it's like they take it out on me. It just makes me so furious. And I hate her for that. And I shouldn't . So I think I'm more mad at myself than anyone.

I just don't know what to do anymore... grrrrrrrrr
Eh, this probably made no sense, whidh is logical given that my mind is one big pile of mush, with my emotions and thoughts all jumbled up everywhere. Also, I didn't even read this over... so another reason why it's probably jumping from topic to topic. :/