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 •☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•♰EdEn♰•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•

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Edens Fury
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Join date : 2011-04-09

20110413
Post•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•♰EdEn♰•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•

This is just an update and an overall posting of my life and it's events. There won't really be anything of major interest unless you find blogs of people you don't know..interesting. If that's the case, be my guest and read away.

Today is going to be a short post because I have a couple of other things to do on the site today, And I am dealing with alot in my RL right now.
This is going to be one of those honest to God open blogs. I don't plan on sugar coating anything, I'll do my best to keep this a vulgar free zone as I tend to not swear alot anyway. cat Chock it up to my being a parent and learning four years ago that what I say can and will be repeated by a toddler Laughing Well this is it for right now, on to my other duties ^.^

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•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•♰EdEn♰•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆• :: Comments

It's ten months to the day when I brought you back home. When you decided you wanted to come home... every month seems to fly by so fast.. I have the worlds worst headache this week...i'm hormonal and angry.. and i want to scream and cry but guess what.. I can't cry. I've been trying.. and trying.. to maybe relieve stress and hurt. But it isn't working. So when I saw you had already put in for your vacation time, so YOU can go to Michigan... With out us.. Again. How wonderful of you. thanks. love you too. Remind me again why..why I am with you.. why I even bother to try? I spend my whole life revolving in circles around you.. I can't do this anymore... i am drowning inside with no release, and I can't talk to you about it.. There's no knife sharp enough and you threw every razor in the house out except what we shave with, and you just don't get it!


I asked you once what the heck was so wrong with spending your vacation time here and you said "what the hell am I going to do here?"....
Nothing dear.. nothing appearently spending time here... is wrong. People get divorced for reasons.. most of them are stupid reasons.. but ours.. ours was a real reason.. You break my heart.. My soul and my mind that is something.. to end things over. Maybe we should have left it that way..You don't want to spend vacation time with us... I don't want to wait until i'm 80 to find someone who does want to spend time with us... i've already given you the best years of my life.. tell me why I should give you the rest?
Storm tore through South Carolina, Northcarolina, and On up through Virgina last night before making it to the shore .... I have no idea how many are dead.. I do know, i am terrafied and in awe of the raw Power that I can only attribute to God.

Tornado spun through my brother inlaws Relatives back yard, it destroyed every house on the street but that one house. So far everyone there is ok. My sister, Her three kids, our mother, Ben and I all marged two by two over to the neighbors house which is a cinderblock building refurbed into a two bedroom home. The bathroom.. Perfect for hiding from tornados as it is completely incased in concrete with no windows. So if it got any worse, we were all going to be heading for that bathroom. that would have made,9 people in a tight spot, but God willing, safe. Storm finally passed over and out around 7:30 last night, and we headed home. I can't tell you how much it hurts to know other people were not so lucky

No Crying or Very sad I can only pray they are in a better place now.
Working on getting my Business up and running, which means I am making my FB page, marketing in bridal magazines, Working on getting my Tax ID, it's all long and tedious and I am so nervous, but somewhere deep in side theis paranoid mind of mine, I believe I CAN do this! I am also working on a religious flec to post up under Christianity, Which is why I haven't put anything there yet, but I may go ahead and post something there, Just a quick run down of what it could be, mean and be used for. See how it goes from there. Miss Moni, and I miss my Mama, I know she needs to be at my Grandmothers while she copes with the loss of my Granda but, I still miss her.

Anyway That's it for now. Need to get back to working on the Bus-nazz LOL flower
Well... I had a whole lot typed in for a blog for today.. and guess what... I turned my head to talk to my son and clicked the backspace button which sent everything to another page..Do you know how long it takes me to type out all that much crap? To form my thoughts on to a piece of paper in the exact way I meant it to be? It's hard. So now I will just have to type about new crap.


I have another painful lump in my right breast .. sooo atleast it's another side this time. Going back to the doctor in a few days. Found out a friend of mine is pregnant, happy for her, not so happy for me. Long story, I typed that long story out but it got deleted.. Mad

Well I am tired. I also wrote out why I am so tired but.. I don't feel like doing all that again. I will just, not right now. This is sad, because it was going to be a nice lovely long blog and now at best it will be a full page. OH MONI!! She made me happy, love my new banner and avatar, so syked about that. I Told Oren I don't want to be burried, I want to be cremated.. he say's if that's what I want, then I better get a lawyer to inforce it, because if it's up to him, he wants us both to be burried side by side.. and I don't understand why.. Why does he need a physical burial site? to go and mourn me when i'm gone? I am not so much a person to be mourned over, not in my own mind.
My Grandfather died last friday.. We buried him on tuesday.. so... I am still coming to terms with that. Crying or Very sad Which is why i'm so tired.. I can't sleep .. i keep reliving the funeral in my dreams and it was a hard day. Long Long hard day.

Oh I sorta told Oren what I want for christmas, Yes I know how far away it is lol.. but it won't be cheap so he needs to know now. I want a Chello and lessons. Also.. Ben Is the LIGHT AND JOY!!!!! of my life Very Happy I love my booger butt. He is getting so Big and smart! Smart smart smart!
flower However he broke my heart last night when I was tucking him into bed.
After we said our night-night prayers. And our God-Blesses I told him to blow me kisses and tell me his secrets. and He said "My secrets are, Papa Bucks in Heaven, and I want a toy story toy and I love you Mommy." It maybe me so sad.. that he misses his Great grandpapa it just hurts.. But I love him.. He is the bestest son ever. Laughing THE best.

Alright well it's time for me to go throw some fish on a pan in the oven... cyclops

 

•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•♰EdEn♰•☆Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ☆•

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